In Agony! Volume 4 - (Autumn 2010 issue)

VOL. 4 - AUTUMN 2010 

Read the original version online in issue 1 of Edify magazine.
 

It’s the fresher’s issue! Plus we’ve got a whole new magazine! So this volume’s theme is fresh starts. Lots of you are new to university life and of course, In Agony! Some of you have come from far and wide to be here. Others may have come from the surrounding area. Maybe you don’t know anyone yet. My point is, wherever you’re from, whatever your background, this is a new and big step in your life. You can wipe the slate clean. 

If there are things about yourself or your life that you’re unhappy with, now is an opportune time to change them. This applies to anyone, not just our fresher’s. When you feel like a change is needed, don’t just wait for it. Make it happen! Start small with something symbolic. Have a clear out of all your clutter, clean your room, give yourself a makeover and work up from there. Apply for that job! Buy that gym membership! Start a conversation with that stranger! GO FOR IT!

Now remember the ‘In Agony!’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This could include anything from a specific song or film, to a book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue.

OnLastNerve wrote:

I can’t stand my girlfriends mates! One is so loud, the others are just plain annoying and they spend way too much time with us. How do I break it to my girlfriend without causing an argument?

 

A: You don’t! “Break it to” her like that and there’s a good chance you will be single in the morning. Make an effort with the friends but if that fails, try to balance out your time together by making more plans for just the two of you, and when you know her friends will be around go meet some of your own.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Spice Girls – “Wannabe”

Angelica wrote:

My ex has come back in the picture and he really wants us to get back together. The break up was his decision and it was pretty awful. Now he’s constantly apologising and telling me he loves me. He seems sincere but I’m not sure if I should give him another chance?

A: Usually I might lean toward the “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” way of thinking. However, you said yourself that he seems sincere. You have to go with your gut on this one.  We all make mistakes, maybe it’s a good thing that he realised his.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Human League – “Human”. A classic. We’re only human after all.

22yrsyoung wrote:

I’m going into the final year of a 4-year course. I’m staying at Paragon but most of the people I knew left last year. I’m not sure if I’ll get along with new people seeing as I’m a bit older now.

A: People go to uni at all ages. There’s probably a bunch of fresher’s older than you. Muster up your new flat mates, head down to the Student Union and get your party on! I’m sure they will appreciate having you as the voice of experience to break the ice.

HOMEWORK: (Read) and join the WLSU “Party Central” Facebook group. This will give you details on all the Fresher’s events, not to mention all the other events held by your Student Union throughout the year.

ChanelNO5 wrote:

A girl I work with told the boss’ wife that I’m lazy and start work after 11, even though I always clock in at 9am. Now people are gossiping and I’m worried I might get fired. What should I do?

A: Using my incredible powers of intuition, (or imagination) I’m guessing that she’s probably sleeping with the boss. Maybe she caught him checking you out in the office so started the rumour in hopes of eliminating the competition... Well maybe that’s a stretch but office politics can be tricky. Have a very casual meeting/talk with him, drop in how much you're enjoying the work and how much you've learnt but that you did hear a strange rumour about your lateness etc. This will force him to reassure you on the spot that he doesn't believe it (either because he doesn't or because he can't say he does without any evidence.) and once he's said that there's no way he can bring up the issue at a later stage.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Working Girl.

Valentino wrote:

I’m really bad at asking girls out. What are some good chat up lines?

A: Well chat up lines don’t work unless you’re already really confident and aiming for a funny reaction. It doesn’t sound like that’s the best fit for you. One tip if you get turned down, don’t show your disappointment. Laugh it off and ask one more time for a different day/time. Your persistence might surprise her.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Aaliyah – “Try again”

I'll give anything a go so send your problems, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with ‘HELP’ in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed.

In Agony! Volume 3 - (Summer 2010 issue)

VOL. 3 - SUMMER 2010

Life is about choices. Don’t make bad ones and you won’t have to deal with the consequences! Of course that's easier said than done. So this issue my message to you is to think! Think more about the choices you’re making, the ones you may have to make in the future and the effects they will have on your life. If you have an idea of what’s coming you can make the choice to take it head on or even avoid it completely. This is easy for some people. For others, that’s where I come in. Send me your letters and I’ll help get you back on the right path with my special brand of common sense advice.

Now remember the ‘In Agony!’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This could include anything from a specific song or film, to a book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue.

Heartbreaker wrote:

I ended a bad relationship a while back, so I wasn’t really looking for anything serious but the guy I’ve been seeing casually, told me he loves me. My friends say, “run like the wind” but I need an opinion from someone I don’t know. 

A: You need to have a conversation and clarify what sort of relationship you both want. It’s not fair to lead him on if you don’t feel the same way. Have you actually considered the other side of it though? Maybe you have more feelings for him than you realise? Is it that you don’t want a relationship or that you don’t want to risk another break up?

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Tina Turner – “What’s love got to do with it?”

Peter Parker wrote:

Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

A: No. I’m sure you can have strong feelings or an infatuation for more than one person, but by definition you probably weren’t ‘in love’ with the first person.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) …anything really with a similar situation. Love triangles don’t get a happy ever after (unless it’s one of those weird channel 4 documentaries). It always ends in tears and I’m afraid the person who feels that way about two different people is usually considered ‘the bad guy’.

Benji89 wrote:

I’m a vocal tech student. I have mad skills but I get a bit nervous when I perform and my voice has been cracking. Any advice?

 A: Someone else might tell you to use the “picture the audience in their underwear” technique but I think it can be a distraction if you’re trying to focus on performing. My advice is to create a stage persona. Psychology studies prove that people take on the traits of their costumes during fancy dress, Halloween etc. Come up with an onstage personality, attitude and style of dress that you would never usually use and completely ‘become’ that person when on stage.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Eminem – “Lose yourself”

Willow wrote:

A friend of mine that I fancy has this girlfriend. Everyone I know hates her. She’s a real psycho and he gets really down about it. I think he’s been sending me signals for a while but should I just tell him how I feel?

A: Blurting it out without being sure how he feels could be embarrassing for both of you and a risk of your friendship. Not to mention it sounds like his girlfriend would make things difficult. That doesn’t mean you can’t spend some time together and turn on the charm. He should get the message without you actually saying anything. Just don’t complicate things, wait until (if) he breaks up with the girlfriend.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Legally blonde. Give it the old 'bend and snap!'

S.Darko wrote:

A group of friends totally stabbed me in the back over something stupid. I chose to take the high road and haven’t done anything about it or even seen them since. Now I really need to work out some aggression. Want to help me seek vengeance?

A: No thanks but I do get where you’re coming from. Betrayal is one of the worst things to go through and can be very hard to get over. Try pouring that anger into something constructive. If you’re creative then try writing a story or songs, maybe painting. If you have the money invest in a punching bag or a gym membership and take out your rage on the treadmill. You’ll feel better, get a nice supply of endorphins and get fit at the same time!

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Kill Bill. Entertaining, as it might be to watch, going on a 'roaring rampage of revenge' is probably a bad idea in your case. Uma Thurmans character had nothing to lose… and is fictional.

I'll give anything a go so send your letters, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with ‘HELP’ in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed.

Trylingual Volume 1 - Turkey + Japan

The University of West London has one of the largest multicultural student populations of any University. We believe this should be acknowledged and celebrated. ‘Trylingual’ as we’ve so poignantly named it, gives Edify readers the opportunity to pickup some interesting information and bits of language from various countries around the world, or at least enough to make you sound smart!

-->

Country

Turkey - also known as the republic of Turkey

Flag

Red and White the red in the background is the representation of the Turkish military (soldier) blood leaked all over the riverbed! The term 'Ay Yildiz' is just an expression of the symbolic representation of the moon and star! The Turkish flag derived from the previous Ottoman Empire flag with many changes made! The moon and star is not a significant symbol in Islam.

Currency

New Turkish Lira (TL). £1.00 GBP = 2.50613 TRY

Sightseeing

Ankara (Capital) Kizkalesi means "Maiden's Castle," the romantic name for the crusader castle floating in the blue water 150 meters offshore from this eastern Mediterranean beach resort town.

Menu

Turkey is famous for its kebabs especially the Adana kebap on pide flatbread, served with (clockwise) parsley, onion salad, grilled tomatoes, and peppers.

Facts

The Anatolian peninsula, comprising most of modern Turkey, is one of the oldest continuously inhabited regions in the world. The earliest Neolithic settlements such as Çatalhöyük (Pottery Neolithic), Çayönü (Pre-Pottery Neolithic A to Pottery Neolithic), Nevalı Çori (Pre-Pottery Neolithic B), Hacılar (Pottery Neolithic), Göbekli Tepe  (Pre-Pottery Neolithic A) and Mersin are considered to be among the earliest human settlements in the world. Every Turkish male need to go to the Turkish armed forces this is known as the army, the navy and the Air forces.

Survival Speech

• Merhaba = Hello
• Günaydın = Good Morning
• İyi akşamlar = Good Evening
• Nasılsınız = How are you?
• Çok iyiyim = Very well
• Evet = Yes
• Hayır = No
• Lütfen = Please
• Teşekkür ederim = Thank You
• Pardon = Excuse me
• Ne? = What?
• Nasıl? = How?
• Ne kadar? How much 

 

Country

Japan - otherwise known as Nihon

Flag

known as Hinomaru (日の丸^?, "sun disc"). The circle in the middle of the flag represents the sun. Japan's name translates to "The land of the rising sun." The white represents honesty and purity and the red disc is a sun symbol meaning brightness, sincerity and warmth.

Currency

Yen (¥). £1.00 GBP = ¥135.159 JPY

Sightseeing

Tokyo (capital), Kyoto, Osaka, Hiroshima

Menu

Sashimi (Fresh raw seafood, sliced and served with dipping sauce), Onigiri (rice ball), Teriyaki (boiled fish or meat marinated in a special soy, sake or mirin sauce)

Facts

Japan has the longest life expectancy of any country in the world. It also has the second lowest homicide rate in the world after Singapore. While there is an Emperor as well as a monarchy, Japan is governed by a Prime Minister and a house of 480 representatives. It is is a leading nation in scientific research, particularly technology, machinery and biomedical research. The leading religion is Buddhism. Sumo is considered the national sport however, Baseball is the most popular. Japan’s national flower is Sakura/the Cherry Blossom; it’s beautiful but seasonal so be sure to go at the right time of year to see it in bloom.

WLSU supports the japan relief effort. You can contribute at: www.redcross.org.uk/JapanTsunami

Survival Speech

• Hai (hi-ee) = Yes
• Ie (ee-yeh) = No
• Nani (nah-nee) = What
• Itsu (ee-tsoo) = When
• Doko (doh-koh) = Where
• Dôshite (dohh-shee-tay) = Why
• Dô (dohh) = How
• Ikura (ee-koo-rah) = How much? / How many?
• Dore (doh-reh) = Which one?
• Sumimasen = I’m sorry
• Arigatō/Domo arigatō gozaimasu = Thanks [formal/informal]

• Konnichiwa = Hi/Good afternoon.
• Ohayō gozaimasu/Ohayō = Good morning [formal/informal]
• Konbanwa = Good evening
• Oyasumi nasai. = Good night
• Sayōnara. = Goodbye

• Otearai wa doko desu ka = Where is the restroom?
• Kore wa ikura desu ka = How much is this?
• Kore wa nan desu ka = What is this?
• Gakusei waribiki wa arimasu ka = Do you have any discounts for students?
• Tasukete kudasai = Please help!

In Agony! Volume 2 - (Spring 2010 issue)

VOL. 2 - SPRING 2010

Yes that’s right, I’m back in spite of popular demand! I’m Terry (waits for applause…) and I’ve been reading your letters with the aim of helping a select few of you escape the pitfalls of your tragic lives. As hard as it may be to believe, I am far from perfect. No really, but I am aware of my flaws. I just don’t much care anymore. However, some people out there do care and they need that extra kick in the backside to make changes. Luckily I’m happy to provide that along with some modern day common sense, so I do what I can out of the goodness of my heart… and for a cheap laugh where possible.

Now remember the ‘In Agony!’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This will include a specific song, film, book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue.

Lady Gogo wrote:

I’m a first year student living at Paragon. Uni’s not what I was expecting and I’ve been a bit depressed lately. What’s a good way to meet people?

A: Well one way is to get involved with the university. There are societies you can join as well as the SU, events and of course the magazine! Also Paragon is looking for people to join the new resident committee and help organising events there. Keep your chin up, the first year away from home can be rough for a lot of people but it will get better.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) McFly – “I’ll be okay”

Batman wrote:

I’ve been seeing this new girl for over a month now. I really like her and I thought she liked me but every time I’ve tried to take things further she totally shuts me down. Should I keep trying or cut my losses?

A: I lived in a majority female flat for the last two years and we all got along really well at the time. Maybe it’s a generalisation but from that experience I learned that girls like to feel in control (even if that means pretending they aren’t). I’m sure she likes you too but it sounds like she might be feeling pressured. Stick with it and let her make the first move (or for her to signal you that it’s okay for you to do so). Until then just get used to being comfortable around each other. Maybe even suggest “taking things slow” which will give her back the control and may even provoke a response.

HOMEWORK: (Read) a women’s magazine - Cosmopolitan etc. They often include “what men really think” type articles, which are a hilarious read for any guy! Also there will probably be other things in there like tips and rules for every aspect of a relationship. Have a read through and try seeing things from the other side, it’s the whole know your “enemy” idea. 


Princess wrote:

I’m making a film for part of my course. I like my ideas but I think the other people in my class have better skills than I do and great equipment at home to work with.

A: Not really a question in there but okay. I think if you have a good idea and execute it along with the guidelines your course leader has set then it shouldn’t matter, go over the assignment guidelines in your module study guide. Using basic skills perfectly can be better than trying to take on something too ambitious.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Harry Potter - any #. Huge budget, Big name actors and the latest available tech but somehow the films are still a painful experience to sit through.

Nighthawk wrote:

I’m not really interested in anyone I meet lately, is that weird?

A: Why do you have to be interested in anyone? Take some quality you-time and maybe someone will come along when you stop looking.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Natasha Bedingfield – “Single"

Kurosaki ichigo wrote:

I’ve had a pretty rough life but that’s not what I’m writing about. Recently everything has been going surprisingly well. I have a great job, uni’s going well, my girlfriend is amazing and we have our own place. The thing is I’m getting really paranoid, waiting for everything to go wrong and it’s starting to keep me awake at night. Any insights?

A: You need to work out a worst-case scenario. In the unlikely event that everything DID go wrong what would you do? Make an actual plan and keep it in the back of your mind. By doing this you will be able to relax safe in the knowledge that you have contingencies. Here’s a general rule for everybody out there and my personal mantra - Whatever happens in life, wherever it takes you, in the worst of times and the best, don’t let yourself be caught off guard. ALWAYS have a plan B!

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. 
Even when they have clever, thought out plans they have backups at the ready that help save the day! 


I'll give anything a go so send your letters, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with ‘HELP’ in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed.

Office rivalry! TEZ's bake-off entry - White chocolate brownies?!

The office where I work has a number of highly skilled cooks and baking fans, which makes it hard to shed those pesky pounds when there are home-made cakes, biscuits and other treats sitting on the desk next to me. Anyway brownies happen to be a favourite but I'm partial to a bit of white chocolate myself so I wondered if there was a way to combine the two. Alas, it seemed it couldn't be done and the closest things are known as Blondies - Brownie like cakes but not chocolate flavoured, with white choc chips.

But what kind of 'TEZofAllTrades' would I be if I didn't give baking not to mention inventing a go? So I found a standard Brownie recipe and re-worked it a little and what do you know? ...Well I undercooked the first batch, although that didn't stop everyone, myself included, from making short work of the raw white choc batter I'd brought in... However, on the second try 2 weeks later, with some sage advice from colleagues R and Mrs M (see her health and nutrition blog 'Al's food and fitness adventures' by clicking here) and I got the cooking part just about right. They turned out pretty amazing, I was surprised to be honest! I made rich, fudge-like, white chocolate brownies with white chocolate chips and my *optional secret ingredient - Walnuts!

Now we can't call these Brownies since they're not brown and Blondies has already been taken unfortunately, so I was thinking Creamies makes sense... But Dreamies sounds better plus there's a white chocolate bar called Dream! So if you enjoy near-diabetic coma inducing treats and want to try your hand at making your own batch of Dreamies then the recipe is below. Let me know how you get on and what you use as your *optional secret ingredient to make the recipe your own!

TEZ original recipe - 'Dreamies'

(Please note I didn't want to shell out for cooking measuring equipment so these were guesstimates lol. However, I have included some quick tips in brackets)

Ingredients

200g butter (get a block of 500 and aim under the halfway point)
200g bar of white chocolate (break the squares up)
200-250g caster sugar (comes in 500g packs so not too diffcult to work it out)
3x teaspoons/1x dessert spoon of Vanilla extract
2x eggs
100-150g *optional secret ingredient (TEZ reccomends skinned whole hazelnuts mmm! Walnuts work too if bloody TESCO runs out... Other options to try: Honey roasted peanuts! Raspberries! Blueberries, almonds etc.)
200g white chocolate chips (I found 2x 100g bags of Silverspoon brand)
200g plain flour (again it comes in 500g packs)

Directions

My pan was too small and I had some excess batter so if you have a pan the size of a dinner plate it should do the trick! Grease the pan (which I learned means rub it with some butter) pre-heat the oven to 160. Use one of those large-ish microwavable glass dishes for all of this. Chop the butter block into smaller bits and microwave in 20 second intervals. Now add all the chocolate block (not the chips!) and stir/heat more until it becomes a mixture. Add the sugar and mix (don't panic when it turns into a mash potato looking substance) for a long time until the sugar is fully spread around. Now add the vanilla extract.

This should have given it time for the mix to cool down from the previous microwaving so that when you now add the eggs one at a time, they don't cook. All done and you've a got a liquidy mix now yes? Ok now add your *optional secret ingredient. Stir in the flour then finally add the chocolate chips, which definitely shouldn't melt when you stir now thanks to the time to cool, and stir until you have your completed batter. Pour the batter into the greased pan and shove in the oven for 30-35ish minutes. 10 minutes into the cooking time the top should have coloured nicely, now cover it with foil and put back in until time is up. I covered mine at 15ish minutes in and the edges had just started to overcook (the middle pieces were perfect!), the foil will stop the top burning, thanks Mrs M.

Okeydoke remove the pan when time's up and leave it to cool. Apparently when they cool they shrink a little (which makes it easier to get them out of the pan with only minimal banging on the worktop!) Just take a knife around the edges first. You should be able to comfortably cut this into 16 pieces ready to serve up and knock the socks off you mates. Mine were all gone by the end of the work day! Again, let me know your thoughts and experiences and most of all enjoy!

In Agony! Volume 1 - (Winter 2010 issue)

VOL. 1 - WINTER 2010

Some of you may know me as the guy giving out the free Wrigley's chewing gum and Time Out magazines, others may know me as the idiot from the Paragon Facebook group. For those of you that don’t, I’m Terry and throughout the course of this year I will be selecting a number of your letters and dishing out my own brand of common sense advice. 

Hopefully in the process I will help some of you work out your various issues, or else have a good laugh at your expense. My advice may seem harsh at times, if it seems like I am ridiculing your pain, well I probably am but it’s more than likely for your own good.

So here's the original ‘In Agony!’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This will include anything from a specific song or film, to a book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue. I think that’s enough small talk. Here’s volume 1!

Janet J wrote:

I have a huge crush on one of my lecturers. I always blush when he looks at me and I can’t keep eye contact. I’m starting to worry that he might realise and that would makes things really awkward.

A: Well Janet everyone gets crushes, usually the best thing to do is tell the person and get a response good or bad. The obvious difference here is that your crush is a teacher, so you can be sure that nothing will ever come of it. Remind yourself of that and try to see the funny side of it until you get over your feelings, which you probably will when you find someone else you like. In the meantime keep yourself distracted with a game. Or try big sunglasses.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Friends season 4 episode 4 - Phoebe has a crush on a massage client but manages to distract herself until she makes the mistake of telling him and ends up getting fired.

Chelseaboy wrote:

In my final year now and I’m already feeling swamped with work, my job plus having a social life. I’ve never been very good at organising myself. What’s a good ways of staying on top of things?

A: Some people keep a diary. Personally if it’s in a diary I forget to check it, so I brought a big whiteboard for my room. I keep a to do list on it and tick it off as I go along. The good thing is the writing is so big that you can’t miss it. Sounds childish but make a reward system. Every time you do something on your list tick it off (or if you're really fancy buy some gold stars!) and when you have 10 buy yourself a prezzie!

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Supernanny on Channel 4. She always gives them some chart to fill in and it makes their day.

Bonnie Lass wrote:

I’m not an angry person but my boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly three weeks ago and now he’s moving in with his new girlfriend! I don’t want him back but I hate that this gets to me! Any ideas?

A: Okay. Find somewhere secluded. Maybe get a friend to drive you.  Find a big field or empty space. Check there’s no one around. Now, allow yourself to feel it completely. Then let it all go. Shout and scream like a maniac at the top of your voice for as long as needed! You will probably feel a lot better after with a nice adrenaline rush to boot. Now when you see them together think back to that moment and laugh quietly to yourself.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Lost prophets – “Rooftops”

Timmy wrote:

Me and my mate used to smoke a lot of grass in college but I gave up before leaving for uni. My mate still uses and is now regularly using speed. Last time I went back home he was totally strung out. I’m not sure what to do.

A: Well bad effects of Speed can include tiredness, depression, anxiety and sleep problems, which will make him want to take more. With Speed, the longer he takes it the worse it’s going to get. By the sound of it he will need to talk to a doctor or a trained drug counsellor. You can’t be there all the time, so you need to pass the responsibility on to his family or friends back home who can then help look out for him. Try to make a weekly/monthly visit part of your routine and phone on pre-arranged days and times, doing so and keeping to that schedule will demonstrate trust and support.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Requiem For A Dream. A powerful film, that highlights the downside of drug abuse, without being too preachy.

Carebear1988 wrote:

My boyfriend cheats on me. It’s been going on for a while. Usually it’s just one night stands but one of my friends told me she’s seen him kissing the same girl in public 3 times. I’m not sure if I should confront him because we’re in love and I don’t want him to break up with me.

A: Wow. Things are worse than I realised. Dump your boyfriend and get a CAT scan!

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Garbage – “Stupid girl” 


I'll give anything a go so send your problems, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with 'HELP' in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed.