In Agony! Volume 6 - (Spring 2011 issue)

VOL.5 - WINTER 2011 

Read the original version published in issue 3 of Edify magazine.

Now remember the ‘In Agony’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This will include a specific song, film, book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue.

Peach wrote:

My crazy friend told me the other day that she’s saving up for a nose job. I laughed because I thought it was a joke. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her nose so naturally I carried on laughing when she said she was serious. Is this something to be worried about?

A: If she starts considering other surgeries afterwards then I might start to worry. Sometimes going through with something like this can have a big change for the patient psychologically even if the overall change in appearance isn’t so big. Have a serious talk with her and find out why she’s doing it. Maybe if she talks it out with someone she might decide against it in the end. Either way try to be supportive, especially afterwards.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Bruno Mars – “Just the way you are”

Secretsmile wrote:

Two men mugged me last month. Ever since I’ve found it hard to leave the house and when I do I feel terrified of everyone around me to the point that I can hear my panicky breathing. How can I overcome my anxiety?

A: It’s time to fight to get your confidence back. The key word there is fight! Obviously there are times when simply handing over your wallet is the best thing to do, like if there are weapons involved or in your case when you are outnumbered. However, if a situation like your mugging was to come up again, knowing that you would be capable of defending yourself will go along way to make you feel more secure, and that knowledge will do the same for your everyday life. Take some self defence classes or a more modern take on it is these Zumba and body combat aerobics classes.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) – Jennifer Lopez in “Enough”

Shyguy20 wrote:

It’s kind of embarrassing but my girlfriend beats me up.

A: Male or female, no one should have to put up with that in this day and age. If it were me I’d just leave. The alternative is that you stay together and one day you snap and hit back, then you’ll hate yourself. If you’re determined to stay then do it under the condition that she seeks help with her anger issues. If she’s a TVU student too then you can both book an appointment with TVU’s Health & Wellbeing department to see a trained counsellor.

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Lady Gaga– Sounds like you’re “Whoa oh oh oh, caught in a Bad Romance.”

Moodyblue wrote:

I’ve been feeling really negative lately. I think my mates are picking up on it as well, I haven’t been out with everyone in a while and now I’m not getting too many invites. What should I do?

A: Chances are you’re saying ‘no’ a lot these days. It’s so easy to say no when you’re feeling a bit down. Why? Because saying ‘yes’ means committing to something. However, you’ve come to the realisation that you’re missing out and you’re right, so there’s still hope for you! From now on when you’re asked a yes or no question say yes as often as you can. You might find it tiring at first but after you see where the day takes you a couple of times you will start to see what you’ve been missing. These new experiences will hopefully kick you out of your funk.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) – Jim Carrey in “Yes Man”. Just don’t take it quite so far.

SocioPAT wrote:

I’m a student taking sociology. I’ve never been the most talkative person anyway but I think I would speak up more if I wasn’t always so worried I’m going to say something politically incorrect.

A: At its core political correctness is really a form of peer pressure introduced to the mainstream by Smiley Smiley Tony Blair. Try not to take it so seriously. In the unlikely chance you do end up saying something that causes offence you can always apologise. After all the people mostly concerned with it are politicians themselves, who use it as a weapon to attack the other parties, and even they are still buying houses for their ducks with our money...

HOMEWORK: (Watch) “Drawn together”. Probably the most politically incorrect thing ever made. It will either be the funniest or most offensive thing you’ve ever seen. If you do find it offensive then you're probably taking yourself a little too seriously. If you’re not acting like one of the characters you’re probably okay.


I'll give anything a go so send your problems, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with ‘HELP’ in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed. 

Marketing Campaign - Blast Radio 2009

In 2009 I received a nomination for a Student Radio Award from the Student Radio Association, for my work as Head of Marketing for the University of West London's student radio station - Blast Radio. Today is the deadline for this year's award entries so I thought the timing would be nice. The nomination was in the Marketing and Branding category. It was a huge project not to mention I had to juggle the final year modules of my degree and a job, so it was full of stress but I loved every moment of it. It was the first real test of my skills, there was so much to be done in such a short time and with so few people, but our planning and hard work was recognised in the end.

The thing I was most proud of was the sheer mass and range of quality material we were able to produce! I think this was one of the things that made us stand out against station's at other University's who run all year round. It was such a great experience both during the campaign and after, with the nomination/awards ceremonies (held at the Indig02!). Below is the entry I complied to send to the SRA. It details our journey, or rather our mission to save people's souls from bad radio. Please take a look and prepare yourself to 

'Escape the Void'...

More Experimental Baking - 'Banana Nut Blondies'

This week I decided to try another shot at baking for the office. However, I wasn't in the mood for white chocolate so no 'Dreamies' this week. Instead I thought I'd give Blondies a go. Seems to be that once you've got the recipe down you can make similar Brownie type things really easily. Naturally I wanted to put a TEZ twist on them so I pondered on what to use as a special ingredient. Well I had slipped and fallen when aiming for my chair that week (lol...) That's when I thought of banana!

So the idea was a take on Banana Nut Muffins except I would add dried banana as a filling with a fresh banana mashed into the mix. Then I bought some Chopped hazelnuts and couldn't resist getting milk chocolate chips to chuck in there too. In the end they were really easy to make. I used a standard Blondie recipe (basically the same as for Dreamies minus the chocolate) and just changed/added ingredients to make the recipe mine.

They didn't turn out bad! They took a bit longer to cook though without chocolate mixed in to the batter. With my recipe they came out with a pretty heavy consistency but after trying one I decided that was a good thing because it filled me up a lot more than a regular brownie etc, which meant I wasn't going back for more right away! So... Fancy whipping up a bunch of your very own?

TEZ original recipe - 'Banana Nut Blondies'

(Please note I didn't want to shell out for cooking measuring equipment so these were guesstimates lol. However, I have included some quick tips in brackets)

Ingredients

200g butter (get a block of 500 and aim under the halfway point)
200g caster sugar (comes in 500g packs so not too diffcult to work it out)
2x teaspoons/1x dessert spoon of Vanilla extract
2x eggs
200g plain flour (again it comes in 500g packs)

1x banana

100g chopped hazelnuts

100g chopped dried banana

200g milk chocolate chips (2x 100g bags of Silverspoon brand were handy)

Directions

Grease the pan with butter. Chop the butter block into smaller bits and microwave in 20 second intervals. Add the sugar and mix thoroughly. Now add the vanilla extract. Allow time for it to cool down from the previous microwaving so that when you now add the eggs one at a time, they don't cook. Mash the banana in. Use a wooden spoon at this point not a fork. The mix is going to start to get pretty thick so you'll need the extra leverage. Add your hazelnuts and dried banana chips. Stir in the flour then finally add the chocolate chips, which definitely shouldn't melt when you stir now thanks to the time to cool, and stir until you have your completed batter. Pour the batter into the greased pan and shove in the oven for up to 45 minutes keeping a careful eye out. Cover the top with foil after it's coloured nicely so it won't burn while the inside is still cooking.

When they're done let tem cool and cut them up ready for when you serve them up to your friends. Finally wait patiently for the "mmm"s and "aaahh"s then you can mention they're healthy cakes since they have fruit in, although I'm pretty sure you'd be lying, but hey don't ask me how this 5 a day business works! Enjoy and let me know how they work out ;)

In Agony! Volume 5 - (Winter 2011 issue)

VOL.5 - WINTER 2011

Check out the original version published in issue 2 of Edify magazine.

This issue my dear readers, I’m asking you to be aware! Be aware of what’s going on around you. Don’t just notice things. Take a second to consider how they might affect you.

There’s a whole mess of crap going on in the world of politics at the moment and it’s going to have an effect on students all over the country (One of my Edify colleagues is sure to mention this so flip through and take note). Maybe politics makes your head hurt but there are other things to make your self aware of. 

Are you aware of all the services your University offers? How about things you can get involved with? You don’t want to get to the end of your University course and regret missing out on something because you weren’t open to its existence. This applies to your personal life too, are you aware of what the people in your life are going through? Make yourself more aware and be more receptive to your surroundings. If you can’t quite grasp the concept, don’t worry you’re not alone as evident from this issues letters... 

Now remember the ‘In Agony!’ twist! Sometimes the advice is already out there you just need to know where to look. So with your response I will also be giving HOMEWORK. This could include anything from a specific song or film, to a book or TV show episode for you to research, which will hopefully shed some light on your issue.

Guilteen wrote:

One of my flat mates was hospitalised for a drug overdose recently. I thought we were all really close I had no idea she was even using or why and she’s coming home soon. Our other flat mate is just angry but I think I should have seen the signs. I feel like the worst friend ever!

A: Snap out of it! It’s not your fault so don’t bother going to that headspace. You can’t know everything about a person no matter how close you are. At the end of the day people make their own choices. All you can do is be there for your friend during her recovery if she chooses to accept your support. If she does then maybe you can find out what lead to all this and help in some other way. If not then have a serious think about your living situation. This affects all of you.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Desperate Housewives – season 1 episode 1. You never really know what’s going on behind closed doors…

CreditCrunched wrote:

My student loan payment isn’t coming until January for some reason. What sort of funding can I get to help me until then?

A: If your course started in September and the loan isn’t coming until half way through the year it sounds like you have been marked as a February starter. This is either because you have selected the wrong course when applying to Student Finance England (which is hard to tell when applying) or because of an SFE “mistake”. IMO this happens to way too many students to be a coincidence. I recon it’s a scam in league with a phone company to force you to call SFE for advice and waste credit, like they do for TV/radio competition lines. If you need to call SFE and believe my conspiracy theory/don’t want to waste credit then use the One Stop Shop’s free phone to call them.

HOMEWORK: (Read) University of West London website – click on the Students section. From those pages you can get information about all sorts of things that the uni can assist with including funding options. If you can’t find the answer there then go to the One Stop Shop, Ealing site and they will be able to help.

PlayerPlayer wrote:

My gf’s mum and I hooked up a while back. Since then she has been coming on to me a lot. She’s a total MILF and I’m afraid something will happen between us again.

A: Lol. Okay take a step back for a minute and think about this from a different perspective. This woman is sleeping with her daughter’s boyfriend. She clearly has issues and they are likely to make themselves apparent as time goes on. You wouldn’t have let anything happen with the mum if you were really into the daughter so making a clean break from both of them is probably the best idea. Might be a good idea to give your girlfriend the heads up about her crazy mum though…

HOMEWORK: (Listen) Fountains of Wayne – “Stacey’s Mom”.

Alehandro wrote:

One of my Paragon flat mates has been stealing my food and I think I know which one. How should I confront them?

A: Make sure you have proof first. That can be difficult but you don’t want to make false accusations and risk losing a friend or worse, making an enemy. Report it to your residence officer and they will probably organise a flat meeting with you all where consequences will be reiterated. If you catch someone in the act after that then they will be in big trouble. Lock whatever you can in your kitchen cupboard. Just don’t jump to conclusions.

HOMEWORK: (Watch) Daredevil. If Elektra hadn’t stabbed Daredevil he might have been able to save her from Bullseye.

I'll give anything a go so send your problems, embarrassing illnesses, secret shames and all the rest, to tezofalltrades@gmail.com with ‘HELP’ in the subject box and leave an alias for how you want to be addressed.

Album Review - Lady Gaga

So it seems the whole world has gone a bit 'Gaga' over the last couple of years. But why? Is it because of Lady Gaga’s fashion sense, her raunchy videos, her amazing PR and marketing team, or what about the music? Well while it’s obvious she certainly has some great business minded people working for her behind the scenes, I won’t comment on her style etc. The only thing I care about is the music; how it sounds and what it means.

I was happy to learn that she actually writes her own stuff as opposed to a lot of pop stars who churn out other people’s hard work.  After hearing her songs in clubs and on the radio for about two years, I was finally compelled to purchase Lady Gaga’s first album because of the catchiness of some of her tunes. The bonus at this point was that the album had been re-released with The Fame Monster extra CD including tracks like Alejandro and Telephone. 

So what’s the verdict? Well it’s a pretty nice album. Do the songs have deeper meaning? Well not always, but there’s a good mix of styles and sounds while still retaining her identity.  The album has some ballads as well as dance tunes. In these two CD’s there are about 8 single-worthy songs but the fillers are all decent as well! The singles are what they are, and nothing more (which is okay), catchy dance tracks to help you get your groove on.

With a lot to live up to, the hype about it had convinced me to get it straight away this time so when I heard the newer album, Born This Way, for the first time, I had to wonder – what happened!? There is one song on the album that stands out and that’s Judas. Ironically this is also a bad thing since the reason for its appeal is its clear similarity to the hit tracks from The Fame monster, in particular Bad Romance.

Then there’s the single, Born This Way... Where do I begin? While a little different from most of the other tracks, this song epitomises the whole concept of this album, that being about pandering to the audience. After the success of her first album, her videos and fashion house etc, Gaga has recruited a huge fan base of people from every walk of life. So in place of spending time creating some good music it seems this album overlooks that completely and instead, simply panders to the audience in the most blatant and ridiculous ways. (Showing support for Gaga now means you also support her social and political ideals. Basically having the album is like wearing one of those charity badges/ribbons, to advertise that you’re a "good person"). Unfortunately it looks like people are falling for it...

Born this way is the worst example of this. Sticking every possible, so called minority in a song and singing about acceptance and overcoming adversity. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if it was at least good music? The more annoying thing is how shamefully similar parts of it are to Madonna’s track, Express Yourself, who is obviously someone gaga is trying to emulate in every way, going so far as to twist the concept of Madonna's Like A Prayer video, in Judas, just enough to make it seem original.

The rest of the songs on the album are very similar and all seem to have this European techno sound. The only other song that I do find catchy is Bloody Mary and it’s perhaps the closest thing to a ballad. It’s a nice song but what the heck does it mean? Well It's just more blasphemous nonsense that's supposed to make us think "ooh isn't she daring and cool!". Sadly it's been done and the T-shirts are sold out... I have to wonder whether the lyrics for this album were just a bunch of random words stuck together with the right amount of syllables to fit in the tunes. What is the edge of glory and why is she hanging off it? Highway unicorns and electric chapels? The song about hair... Come on Gaga you could at least pretend to be trying!

At the end of the day Lady Gaga is a master at making a catchy tune! In The Fame Monster this was fun but with this new one I feel like kicking myself every time I inadvertently start whistling one of these musical abortions. If you haven't bought Born This Way already, you simply don't need to.

TEZ's final rating (1-10):

The Fame Monster - ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫

Born This Way - ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫